16 Times Kris Jenner Was the Perfect Scorpio | Cosmopolitan

16 Times Kris Jenner Was the Perfect Scorpio | Cosmopolitan


– Let’s raise a glass to Kris (beep) Jenner. Yup, that’s it, ladies.
(liquid slurping) (dramatic pop music) (popping noises) I got you this little prezzie… Insole. – [Seated Woman] That, for the shoe! – For the shoe! – [Seated Woman] Oh, cool! (dramatic pop music) – I really wanna know
where she is all the time. So I know she’s okay. It’s got a little electronics attached. – (gasp) – So I bought her a pair of shoes to go with these amazing tracking devices. I love technology. All of you can (beep) off and go think of something
else to talk about. I’ve seen you guys through so much (beep) that you do, that I have to (beep) put up with. I’m married for 72 days. Really, that was normal. I mean, the (beep) that
we’ve all gone through? You guys can do anything you want, and it’s okay, and I’m supposed to accept it all. And I’m gonna do the same thing for him. So stop judging me! – That’s what I’m talking about, woo! Little bounce! – [Blonde Woman] That’s so hot. – [Trainer] Good! – [Other Woman] Embarrassing. – God, this feels good! Sex tape? Whose idea was it? – [Man With Chopsticks]
Obviously, your mother’s! – It was mine. Hello? – How’d you get in here? – I have a key. – You have a key to my house?! – You don’t want me to have a key! – I want you to come over!
– You lied to me! – … Is Madhvi! – Nice to meet you! – She is my scribe. (muffled voices)
(doubtful electronic music) – Are you being serious?
(keys clicking) – Wait, when you’re having a conversation, does Madhvi also record what I’m saying? Or just what you’re saying? – [Kris] What everybody’s saying. – Kay, just curious. – Right? – [Madhvi] Mhm.
(keys clicking) – [Kris] Mhm. – You’ve been manipulating all of us and using your daughters
to buy you (beep)? – Yes!
– What? Are you crazy?! – Are you crazy?! – [Khloe] I talked to Kylie, and she did not get you that toaster. So you fully scammed us. – If that’s what it takes for me to get you guys to be nice to me, at least I’m smart enough
to figure that out. – [Kim] You’re teaching us bribing, lying, scamming… – They’re life lessons. Don’t ever forget. Don’t ever forget. – And the only person that I know that can really make it feel like a home is the one and only. – Yep.
– Kris. – Could’ve said anyone!
– Not gonna turn on one of my girls! Those are my babies! … Wanna be on anybody. A mother never wants to take sides. – [James] Absolutely. – Depends on what day it is. – Who is it today? – Kendall. (bell rings)
(crowd laughs and cheers) – Question, what would
you like to give me? – The thousand year old egg. (crowd oohs)
Yep. Smartie pants. (James laughs) – I’m not against anybody getting a little pain relief from medical marijuana. That’s the whole point, here. And she’s asking me to do it with her. I’m here to support, and I’ll do it this one time. Okay. I don’t like to drink alone, so I’m sure you don’t like to– – That’s how I feel.
– Take this alone. Okay, cheers.
– Cheers. (electronic music) – You’re a good cook. – I didn’t cook the popcorn. (laughter) – We don’t wanna get kicked
out of the drugstore, and my mom is just opening up toothbrushes and brushing her teeth. – Bye. – Like, dude. Let’s reel it in. – [Kim] Alright, you ready? (Kim grunts) – Oh! (Kim laughs)
(bat clangs) – [Khloe] Mom, are you kidding? – Did you trademark the term ‘momager’? – I did, yeah. Oh, here’s my hat! (laughter) Of course, finally! Finally. – [Blonde Woman] I have to get it. – “Khloe And Her Mommy”, by Kris Jenner. Khloe had a mommy who told her what to do. And everywhere that Khloe went, her mommy would go, too. They lived in one big house, and mommy never charged her rent. But everything that Khloe earned, her mom took ten percent. (laughter)
The end. (pop music)

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