Horoscopes – Real Talk Episode 27

Horoscopes – Real Talk Episode 27


Aquarius p**** is really good. So my dad’s an Aquarius. I wonder if his p**** is really good. Okay, okay, okay, anyway… Welcome back to another episode of Real Talk! In today’s ep… Which we don’t wanna do but Saff wants to do and so many of you guys are asking for it! Yeah, actually yesterday at Marquee he was like, I’m Aquarius, we are Aquarius gang! Then I was like, – “Yes, sir!”
– Yes, we are Aquariuses! If you’re Aquarius right, you need to drink water. Aquarius is an air sign. So y’all don’t need to drink water? I mean… Wait, what… At which point did y’all believe in this? When I was in secondary school ’cause when you date guys then you wanna see the compatibility – then you go online and
– Yes! – check.
– Love Calculator! So then, you and the guy that you like were compatible? Even if it wasn’t compatible, I’m still like, “Aiya, whatever.” I mean, it’s just for fun. If it’s – compatible then yeah!
– No la, so what made you believe in it? It’s just nice to read you know like, how your life is gonna be like. Okay you guys are Aquariuses. – Yeah.
– Yeah. What are you guys so proud about? I like how that we are anti-establishment. – Yeah.
– Yeah. – Super anti-establishment.
– Rebel. So I searched Aquarius traits for women. The first one on the list is assertive. Correct. That’s true. Going with the flow. I’m quite chill, going with the flow. Eh so you’re assertive or you’re going with the flow? – You can’t be both what.
– No, I’m assertive when I… Okay. Like for example, I wanna eat at this restaurant but I don’t want to say. But then Shannon keeps suggesting this place then I’m like, “No, I wanna eat that.” Then he’s like, “F*** this b****” That’s just being an a**h*** what. Yup. No, it says, “not one fo-” Oh yeah, right. Sorry. I thought one for going with the flow. Oh not one for – going with the flow.
– Not.. not one for. But just now she said she’s quite chill though. I am quite chill when I don’t know what I want. Wah this is so Jade. Analytical. You are damn Jade. As in that’s damn you. It’s damn Jade! It’s damn Jade! Wht are Aquariuses into? Sci-fi, yes, no? Yeah, quite. I’m into… Like sci-fi sex. I’m also into sci-fi. Yeah, I’m also into sci-fi. Got what Avengers or not? Technology. I’m also into technology. Original. Nahhhh, you plastic. No, if all the Aquarius… If all the Aquarius people are original then wrong already what. Are you into flying? To be exact, an opportunity to fly, hand glide, sky dive. I love to sky dive. – Amazing.
– Ah, no I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. Sky diving is – life-changing
– So that… is not true then. I would like to travel. What? But you know you can’t really read another person’s horoscope and try to pass it off as ours like we know all the horoscopes. We could probably guess which horoscope you’re reading. That’s what you said right? Eh, she heard you. No, I didn’t hear you. – I just know what you were gonna say.
– But that’s what he said. Analytical. No, ’cause predictable! There’s a video where they rank horoscopes. It’s quite funny. That is so stupid. Okay, let me say this okay. All horoscopes right. Think that they are the best horoscope. No, no, no, like Geminis know that they are s***. Oh my god, I’m part of this! It’s true you know. A lot of my Gemini friends know that they are quite shady. Do you know that you are a shady person? How am I a – shady person?
– Oh my god, you’re a Gemini? – Yeah, I’m a Gemini.
– Dodgy, dodgy. – Maybe my eyebrows.
– Because you pick… You pick different faces. You know like, Arya from Game of Thrones. I don’t watch it. She might be a Gemini. Yeah, she’s definitely a Gemini. Did you know most serial killers are actually Gemini? And Sagittarius. Why do I know this? Then you better don’t offend me. F***ing poke your breast. Wait John, what are you? Cancer. – I love Cancers.
– Oh my god, you are such… you actually are really Cancer-y. I’m really Cancer-y right? ‘Cause you’re super… everything you do is with a lot of emotion and compassion. Eh but y’all know us what. Okay. For example right, you won’t see Aquarius as family-oriented. But if you see yours right, it will literally say “family-oriented” – Is there any Cancer people
– A good home-maker. that don’t like their parents though? No, but I don’t… Love their mother. – I love my mother.
– Those are like very – I do love my mother so much.
– Cancer. Yeah, I’m not really family-oriented. I love my mum but I don’t… Because you don’t know where your dad is. What is this Peter Parker show that keeps dropping? That’s why I’m looking for a dad. Tell me if this is true. Cancers are a** man. No. So what kind of man are you? I’m a legs man. Gemini, what do you like? You like dangerous women. A bit psycho. Yeah, yeah. I tried a lot of psycho. Yeah you love – psycho chicks.
– Oh my god. This is like your number one… No, I don’t… Dew gravitates towards f***ing crazy chicks. The more controlling, the more – All your ex-girlfriends
– his c**k steam. all damn offended now. More controlling is like, “Yeahhh!” No, but a lot of them are not crazy at first. At first, exactly! I wanna say that! About six hours later, then they’re like, “OOOOO!!!!” No, but they got crazy eyes! F***ing crazy from the start, bro. No, but everyone is crazy – in their own ways!
– Or the problem is you! I would say Jade is f***ing crazy also what! Okay, there’s this – chart.
– ‘Cause I’m Aquarius, – There’s this chart…
– you’re attracted to me. Oh my god! He is! He always tell me! What? That I’m attracted to Jade? You’re so pretty, Jade! That’s why he likes me. ‘Cause he’s a Gemini! I told you. Wait, wait. So would you date Jade? Wah, hard to say. No, no. Would you wanna marry Jade? Marry ah? Can you see yourself marrying someone like Jade? Life partner. It’s a yes. It’s a no eh. It’s a yes! No, because I know her so well. She’s mad, bro! F***ing mad! What the f***! So Saffron, yes? Saffron might, might. Okay, okay, no, but All my close friends are Aquarius. So I’m… We’re not… we’re not… No, as in like… Okay why don’t we do sex horoscopes? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, we say the horoscope and then we talk about our experiences with that horoscope in bed and see if it’s compatible. I don’t know all the girls’ horoscope that I slept with what. Don’t you know their birthdays? I don’t. What the f***? He doesn’t even know – their names.
– It’s like, “Eh eh! When’s your birthday? “Oh compatibility 100!” “So I can manage my expectations of your d*** sucking” What’s good about a Gemini? I heard a lot of bad things about Gemini. They are great lovers in bed. – Geminis are very good at sex
– That’s true, that’s true. – because
– that time you got – they take on many
– solid hand jobs. different roles and they are very playful. There’re many different roles? – They like to lead.
– There’s only two roles on the bed what. – Okay but to us,
– No, as in like, – we think you are good in bed
– you can adapt. but I think to others they may not be because Geminis don’t like to cuddle. So it’s like… F***! Can you verify that? Wait, wait, wait. I verify that, dude! Imma Google! I f***ing verify that! Imma Google! And they get bored quite easily. So I feel like if you’re a person who likes like missionary all the way – and a good solid cuddle,
– That’s f***ing boring. I hate that. Then, you’re not going to think that – Gemini is good in bed.
– I want like BDSM. Cancer, on the other hand, I don’t think so. Cancer’s very… Cancer must watch… – sad movies.
– Simple lovers. Yeah, easy to please. – Yeah, simple lovers.
– That’s why they’re good. They’ll oblige you but they’re okay with nothing fancy. It’s good though so I will not refute But I slightly disagree Somemore, somemore? I mainly sleep with those two star signs. Gemini and Cancer? What a coincidence! Okay la, come la! Tell me about Leos. Oh my mum’s a Leo. Leos like blondes. Like stupid people? No, like literal people with… Blonde hair. Like if you wanna get a Leo to f*** you right, You should dye your hair some sort of light colour. Pat’s a Leo. Ah! So now you know if you wanna turn her on. Oh you know what I feel about Pisces? What? – I’m so sorry to any Pisces.
– My mother is a Pisces. Sl**** ah? My mother’s not sl**** eh. No. Foot fetish. They always notice feet. Just generally. That’s what I feel. Because for me, I couldn’t care less about feet. Yeah, I’m not very bothered by feet also. I’m more bothered about status and your cash. I’m kidding. I fight a lot with Virgos, no offence. ‘Cause they always call me messy. Virgos are like very… Anal. I’m so sorry. – Is this true?
– Virgo is what ah? September! – Fai’s a Virgo!
– But I mean, Look at his hair, it’s always so nicely done. You’re a Virgo? Yes he is! He’s a perfectionist. Perfectionist, that’s why he does… he edits Real Talk until so like… Raymond edits Real Talk. See and it’s wonderful. And he’s also a Virgo. Oh s***! Anmol, what are you, Anmol? – Libra.
– Look at how white – Libra ah?
– his shoes are. – Libra. Don’t wear bra.
– Libra. We click. What does Libra do? Libras are very balanced and – logical people.
– Balanced, yeah. Why do I know this? Yeah that’s why! We came… We came on set like we’re gonna f*** them up with science. No, no because my ex-girlfriend is a Libra. My ex-girlfriend is a Libra. So all Libras are the same? That’s what you are saying? Libra and Gemini also get along very well. Yeah because they are all air signs. What other extremes have you gone… Yeah, yeah, yeah. – To tailor yourself
– So for example… Yeah. – to be horoscope of choice.
– You know this guy’s a Leo or… Okay so… I’m dating a Cancer right. So when we first started dating, I always cooked for him and I always bring him food. I always take care of him and fold stuff for him. Yeah, they like this kind. And take care of him. Pat’s cooking is ehhh. No, so you like acts of service? Yeah, yeah acts of service. But when I like the guy, you know —? I was a bit more like… crazy. – For him?
– Like I always… Yeah, no like… What is he? He’s a Gemini. So that means I could go crazy when I wanted to. And lick the chicken. Yeah, lick the chicken. If I did that with my Cancer man right, he would go home and he would think about it and he’d be like, “Actually, this is not the woman I want to make my wife.” And it would be the end. That is so John though. That is so John, that is so John. Got chills. – If let’s say I really like…
– If not, you will write theories… But there’s only these two ways what, right? Okay, no, no, no. So really let’s say… Then the other – ten horoscopes how?
– Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. – So let’s say I like a Virgo,
– How they deal with these? then I’ll pretend to have an interest or a passion. You know maybe like broken artist. Like, “Oh, I really like photography or something like that.” And then I’ll just keep my area clean, you know. But I wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long ’cause I’m not a clean person. But who likes dirty s***? Seriously? – No as in like messy as a person.
– I mean, I don’t mind. No, but I don’t mind it. Some Virgos are so extreme, they want you to bathe before they sit on their bed. – Some ah.
– Confirm ah! Not him. I’m like that also. But I mean, I would just pretend to be and then I’d be like, “Yes, I love photography! Look! There’s an art exhibition at SAM, would you like to go?” This is why… No this is why I would never f***ing marry your a**, dude! No, I’m helping girls out there! No, I don’t pretend though. I really don’t – pretend
– No, I’m just saying – ‘Cause you’re super
– in case you want. confident, bro. – And girls think that.
– No but it’s not that. So for example, if I need to come to a point right, I need to diss whatever you like, I would f***ing do it. If I’m dating someone who likes art and I think art is s***, I would say – don’t bring me to
– Yeah you are very… a f***ing museum. – That’s true.
– You are very opinionated. I hate it when people stand in front of a f***ing painting and they say like, “Ooo!” Maybe ’cause you don’t understand. No but, sometimes, sometimes have one Some paintings give the effect one. No and then you stand their for hours then you tell me one line? Who? Who goes – to the art gallery.
– Who made you do that? For example, you read the painting Who? and then it says, “When my mother passed away, I painted this.” or something like that. They never said that. And then you paint something that has nothing to do with your mother. Because you just – don’t understand.
– No but I’m not s****ing on arts, I’m not s****ing on arts. Yeah, you just sometimes don’t understand – the thought process.
– Ya, you clearly don’t understand. Art is not just the end product but the process of getting there, you know. “When my mother painted this, I died.” What the f***? Who…? No, I said “When my mother passed away, I painted this.” Not, “When I passed away…” Pass away! That doesn’t make sense! Maybe it’s gonna be someone’s FYP project at the end of the year. When people talk about horoscopes right – and then they always say like.
– You just disassociate. Whatever horoscope they are are best in bed, are best in this, are best in that. That’s why after awhile, I’m just like, “Eh f*** you!” Are you good in bed though? I would say yes also what. Yeah true. Every… Like, wah… – Pisces best
– Have not tried. – in bed.
– Unless you swing a lot. As in, I got read my own horoscopes before, of course. Everybody does. Eh relax. No need to justify. Because I really don’t like it. But when I read it right, there are some things that I agree with. So all my (ex)girlfriends would also send me like, “Ooo… Gemini is this, Gemini is that.” And my reply to them is like, “If you know, you are reading this and if it’s true, then do something about it. Right? Like for example, Correct! They say… If you’re a c**t, don’t be a c**t. Right? If they say – Geminis
– Guys are so black and white. are air signs, they like to just fly… And f*** around. – Yeah it’s true what.
– Or they got two faces. To me is just do something about it. Cool. So what I feel about it is that when you open the horoscope book right or you see those 8 Days that kind of short paragraph one right, you only read yours or then maybe you read your girlfriend’s one and then you read your best friend’s one. You never read all. So I think chances are if you read all right, you will identify with half of them. – Then whichever
– That’s why it’s like… – positive praises
– It’s like… you the most like, Yeyeyeyeyeyeah. ‘Cause it’s called cold reading so technically there is no actual science behind it but people like to indulge in things that make them feel better. – It’s like words of affirmation.
– Yeah, no and I can get that. I think it’s good. It gives some people some positive affirmation Or hope. Yeah. It may not be true but it’s useful. So maybe your birth does not correspond to – where the sun is.
– No s***, no s***, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I feel like a lot of people read it right and they internalise – their values.
– They feel better about themselves. No, no, they internalise values meaning that they are like, what, Seven, eight years old and then for fun, then they pick up horoscope then they are like, “Oh, okay I’m Aquarius. I am supposed to be this, this, this, this, this. And then their whole life a**h*** me and Saffron grew up to know and they are like, “Oh you are Aquarius, you are this, you are this, you are this, – So then they grow up
– Yes! and then they tend to believe that those traits are who they are. So y’all don’t really believe believe in it? Y’all are just interested in it? It’s fun to read what. It’s fun to read, I agree, It’s fun to read. – But I wouldn’t defend it
– It’s like… – to death.
– Okay it’s like feng shui, when you go read your feng shui. It’s not 100% true but it’s nice to know that some certainty in the future right. Like your feng shui master’s like, “Oh you’re gonna be f***ing rich by 38.” Then I’m like, “Yes!” Alright, it’s question time! Alright, so let’s start. Someone asked… I had a girl friend who fell for… fell… sort of in love with me. – She freaking…
– Vagina power. cuddle me at night, you know. So uncomfortable, I cannot even talk about it. She followed me home one day. Jade… (sorry headphone users) No, but what you should do I think is… I mean it depends. If you like him back, then I think tell the person. Yeah, ’cause if you love your best friend, it’s like the best. Maybe I think I would recommend that you tell the other person that I don’t see you that way. But now that I know… Maybe. Yeah let’s… Let me think – about it.
– Be kind about it. No, none of us are childhood friends. I know you when I was a teenager so it kinda counts right? – Yeah, childhood friends.
– You are my childhood friend. I met you when I was what, 20? 20. – Five years.
– Which is not very long ago. I know you for five years. Wow! I’ve know him for five years. I’ve known them… Since Real Talk. Since Real Talk like, – one month before Real Talk.
– No, I met you Oh, After Hours! Yeah, After Hours! – Not but he wasn’t
– Oh yeah – on the show anymore.
– yeah, yeah! No, no, I was, I was. No, he was. All of us know each other different… different, different timing. So we have come to the end of this episode I hope you guys liked it! Even though we did not! Alright guys, thanks for watching. Give it a like, give it a comment, give it a share. Put your questions below ’cause we’ll probably answer it. See you guys in the next episode! Bye! Ooo I have a story! When I was 16, we had this fortune teller lady and she comes to the house every year. So every year she comes and she will always tell my mother, “Jade will do very well in school but she should be a DJ.” – HUH?!
– Seriously? And the thing is… – I actually have
– There was DJ – proof.
– in that Chinese bible?! No, sh- No, it wasn’t on the bible. It was her interpretation and she wrote it down, “DJ”. – When I started Tanglin…
– She meant like Jiu San San (93.3 FM) ah. If she write dishwasher, how? Wait, wait. – Like Mediacorp radio.
– Write what? Here’s the rest of the story. Speaking of Mediacorp, when I got a job at Tanglin, my mum was like, “My daughter is going to act. Should she be an actress?” – She was like,
– She was like no. “No, no. This girl cannot act.” And it was true! But we all knew that what. The worst… Jade, you need a mirror to tell you that you don’t have to pay money – to tell you that.
– Seriously. Yeah, no as in. It was the worst 3 years ever because I was such a bad actress. I was so bad, they killed me.

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