How to deal with difficult or toxic family members ft. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

How to deal with difficult or toxic family members ft. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev


Don’t attach particular importance to those
people who are genetically connected. You have no choice about who you are genetically
connected with. It’s happened. It’s an event that has happened. You cannot fix it now.
What kind of relationships you can maintain, maybe you have some choice, but not always.
That’s why you choose friends, that’s why you get married, that’s why we told you, you
should never marry within your blood relationship. That’s called incest, so that you have choice.
So that you can marry someone who is a little different from you, who feels a little different
from you. It is not because of blood relations that you feel different. It is because your
identification with the body is so strong. You make blood more important than your intelligence.
No, your intelligence should be your number one thing. When I say intelligence, don’t
think of intelligence as just the logical process of the mind. Right now what’s happening
in every cell in your body, what’s happening in a single molecule of DNA cannot be understood
by any intellect. That’s how complex it is. Tremendous things are happening. So there
is an intelligence right across which is functioning every moment of your life, otherwise you would
not be alive. Whatever you decide to think, this inner intelligence is still carrying
you on. Today, something happened, your love life fell apart or the stock market crashed
your mind will say “I want to die”, but the intelligence within you keeps you going. Tomorrow,
you might say “oh the life is great”, the intelligence within you keeps you going. If
the intelligence took instructions from your intellect, by now you would have been dead
1000 times. So do not understand intelligence as just intellect, there is a deeper intelligence
constantly functioning. To access that you will see that blood is just a superficial
thing. So one of the first things, if you distance yourself from the body, I want you
to understand only because you are stuck with this body some body also has become important.
If you are wearing your body too tight, then you do not know which is you and which is
your body. Even if you wear it even a little bit loose, suddenly you know this is my body,
this is not me. Don’t have to create too much distance, too much distance is called death.
Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. If you are free from this body, you will clearly
know what is important to you now, the whole existence is just one energy. Religions of
the world have been screaming for a long time, “God is everywhere”. Whether you say “God
is everywhere” or “everything is one energy” are you talking about the same reality or
different reality? Same reality. Everything is same energy. This is science. God is everywhere.
Same structure, expressed in a different way. Only problem is, science did not experience
it, he only mathematically deduced it. A religious person did not experience it, he just believes
it. But if you know it by experience, everything will fall into its right place, otherwise
you will distort reality. Just because you’re born in the same family, just because you
are born in the same house or home, you think something is happening…nothing. Two children
can grow up in the same family and grow diversely different. It is happening everyday. It is
just that we are trying to hold by blood simply because our own attachment to our own body
is too deep. If you understand the nature of what’s happening to this, very easily human
beings can raise beyond genetics and operate in a different way. The whole living system
is just about this. He had no parents, because he’s gone beyond his genetic process. Jesus
said “leave the dead to the dead”. What he is saying is, your father is dead. He’s saying
don’t allow your father to live through you. Dead should die. But right now your great-grandfather
and your ancestors also is living through you, whether you are aware of it or not. You’re
behaving like your great-great-grandfather, do you know this. You’re having the same genetics.
If you don’t go beyond this, your life becomes cyclical, it does not progress. If you want
your life to progress, the first thing that you need to do is you have to go beyond your
genetics. Otherwise, genetics will keep you in a cycle, in a loop, you will become an
endless cycle. Becoming cyclical is a helpless process, it’s a trap. Genetics gave you a
body, a certain quality. That’s fine. Beyond that genetics should not influence you, you
should go beyond that. Otherwise your life will become cyclical. So the first step in
the spiritual process is simple methods to transcend the limitations of genetics. If
you hold this body a little away from you, would your father influence you? No. You have
made the body too important. So your forefathers have become too important. If you hold your
own body aside, then all can go with it, you must leave the dead to the dead. Do not let
them live through you. This is your life. This is for you to live, not for your grandfather
to live through you.

100 Comments

  • Yogi Dhiman says:

    Drop all philosophies, came across this line through various different sources . I agree and buy that

  • Im a pony says:

    I really wanna listen to this but I don't understand anyhting.

  • Dewi Owen says:

    Shame the sound has not recorded properly.

  • Pavan Thakur says:

    Really canr hear a word

  • Ashok Kumar says:

    Most people here seem to be very realised beings – That gives them the right to call  this guru a fraudster.  the fact is that he gets nothing whether you follow what he says or not – Just sit back and think about it and you should be a little more aware!!

  • chutneybaba says:

    Reply to Ashok Kumar: Have you heard of Freedom of Speech ?
    It is public duty to discern if one is a genuine article or an imitation. There are numerous fraudsters in the name of religion, yoga, guru etc; etc; therefor be aware! Beware!!

  • Jana Kubicova says:

    Sound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Joanne Angel says:

    I have to lip read

  • Vinita says:

    "This is your life to live"… beautiful.

  • Sathya S says:

    voice recording is not clear.. at least pls align the subtitles properly.. pls

  • Lola Wolfe says:

    he is so right! leave toxic relatives alone for life they eat away at your happiness like cancer.

  • Charlie Chase says:

    People can grow up in the same house and become different BECAUSE they are treated differently by the members of the family. Favouritism, abuse and/or neglect have a lot to do with how relationships become toxic.

    In my time; it is almost always the parents NOT respecting each other as Father or Mother; which leads to further toxic situations.

    It is all about RESPECTING each other and the roles we play as a family unit.

  • Mp Singh says:

    I like your best speeches

  • S RH says:

    mesut yalgin God bless you. Thank you so much.

  • S RH says:

    Charlie Chase yes

  • Varsha Products says:

    Sindhi bhajan Lat

  • Detoxing Reality says:

    The echo is terrible so I chose to not listen past several minutes! I'm sure it would be good without it though!

  • Lyss says:

    Don't understand anything :/

  • seoreh says:

    Great, all the narcissitic sociopath family members have sabotaged this video so I can't know how the heck to deal with them!!

  • Tammy Blythe says:

    I really wished I could have heard this vid the echo so bad 🙁

  • boing bryan says:

    tq sadhguru…from malaysia…

  • Varun Barma says:

    SIMPLY FANTASTIC !!!

  • Joseph Villena says:

    Its a gift to listen to him

  • Kotigeri pavan kumar says:

    wat he said is ADVAITHA VEDANTA-BY ADI SHANKARACHARYA….BY the way nice explanation

  • Vinod Kumar Razdan says:

    brilliant thank you..a piece of advice..trully

  • Krista Errickson says:

    audio is terrible. didn't understand a word.

  • Simon S says:

    Sound quality is bad and noisy

  • Amjatha Ahmed says:

    I'm in trouble with family

  • krithika vedhachalam says:

    audio is not clear.

  • Mark Wu says:

    does this work for league of legends

  • Shweta says:

    voice is echoing which is not understandable clearly

  • shiny dev says:

    sound system👎👎😕

  • Narges Bahar says:

    It's not very clear recordings.very difficult to understand what he's saying!

  • Atlas Duball says:

    So wise

  • UNFINISHED FOOTSTEPS says:

    Love Him much! The stuff we have been seeking since our youth.

  • Tonisha Hampton says:

    Yes, the sound is bad but thank you Evita. I appreciate the video. Namaskram.

  • Beate Haunschmid says:

    you always have a choice

  • countryhorseluvr says:

    Cannot hear well due to echo

  • Exploring India says:

    can someone please share the link with a better audio… I really need to listen the subtitles didn't match up n r very fast at times

  • lioness lioness says:

    Why bother posting this if you can't Evan understanding what he's saying .to much feedback echo

  • s l says:

    How to deal with abusive and controlling parents?

  • Shilpa Gupta says:

    Can't understand anything

  • Manasa Vatsavayi says:

    The sound quality is so poor!

  • GodsIlluminatedOne says:

    LORD SHIVA….REMOVE ALL TOXIC PEOPLE….OUT MY LIFE….SO I CAN….LIVE MY LIFE….ON MY OWN….WITHOUT THEM TOXIC PEOPLE….TRYING TO STRESS ME OUT….I WANT MY OWN PLACE TO LIVE IN PEACE AND HAPPYNESS….WHILE I LIVE OUT….ALL OF MY DREAMS IN LIFE….TO THE FULLEST IN A HEALTHY BODY….HEALTHY MIND….HEALTHY SPIRIT….I KNOW THAT ALL THINGS IN LIFE….ARE POSSIBLE FOR THE GOOD OF MY LIFE….THROUGH LORD SHIVA MANTRA OF….( OM NAMAH SHIVAYA )

  • Shibli Ziadeh says:

    Did not understand a single word. That is why I mark it with dislike.

  • Life at best says:

    Too much echo..can't hear properly

  • funitude says:

    doesn't get to the point, just rambling

  • SB says:

    This is so true when you have a very supportive husband, you will have your own blood relations trying to ruin your happiness

  • Taruna Sardana says:

    Quality of sound was bad.. too much echo

  • MeowCat Cat says:

    Can you speak to how stubborn people can free themselves?!

  • Debra tyn says:

    Ill put it on my tv maybe then I can understand.

  • שגהש says:

    The descriprion says the audio is not the best so enable subtitles.. but the sublitles are bad too! Might as well turn them off and try to understand this echo-ey mess

  • Bucky Lastards Network says:

    Place Sadhguru in Afghanistan or similar and now imagine massive ordinance air blasts [MOABS] dropping on him; his children and entire villages of elders: Now you get the picture: Are you part of such a campaign or a by product ? Military? Think about this: Peace

  • Ascension Light says:

    subtitles aint working and the echo is so strong i cant hear what hes actually saying!!1 annoying!!

  • Shweta Chinmai says:

    Can v get better audio f this clip I wanna listen to this plees

  • Sujith Kumar P V says:

    The voice clarity is poor

  • Surya V says:

    Bad audio

  • Jill OM says:

    Thank you for the effort, but it was too echoey to understand.

  • Acc 1 says:

    Pointless vid. Cant understand anything he s saying

  • Manasa Reddy says:

    The number one cause of toxicity in any nuclear family is one spouse being embarrassed of the other spouse and disrespecting them. I can tell you from experience that this can be an extremely traumatic experience for the child.

  • Abhijeet Taru says:

    Bad sound quality

  • Carl Litalien says:

    The sound is awful I can't hear what sadhguru is saying…maybe put subtitles if you can… bless you

  • Sophia says:

    Omg.. I can hear it now clearly 😮😱😂..am growing spertualy beyond the normal senses 😁😆😄

  • Christina Greaves says:

    I cant hear !! Oh no ..

  • edwards1148 says:

    This is awful sound quality. No transcript anywhere???

  • Evita Ochel says:

    The link to the transcript can be found here: http://www.evolvingbeings.com/post/how-to-free-yourself-from-toxic-family-cycles

  • Siddhartha Sharma says:

    Too much echo 🙁

  • Verygood Verygood says:

    Can WE Change this.hall effect anyway

  • Ultimate gaming x21363- RISHIT VINU says:

    All members in my family are against me. They mentally abuse me and won't support me. I am a child and what I can do? Please answer, I have critical situation.

  • Fab Doc says:

    I totally agree. Just because you are related by blood doesn’t mean you have to put up with them. I read that even Babaji loved his mother only from afar since she almost smothered him to death. as a child. So yeah, your parents can do you the most harm.

  • Dolce Vita says:

    On toxic people, I can only say: Know what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is! This can also be a combination with Sociopathy or Psycopathy… Check here on youtube…lots of info to be and get aware, so you can learn how to deal with it or how to recognise and protect yourself… Thanks to Sadhguru for his light comming in to our life… Namaste

  • parikshit sureshkumar says:

    Somebody fix it's audio

  • Part of Everything & nothing. says:

    Audio sucks 😡

  • anirudh kothari says:

    Another article similar to this video https://isha.sadhguru.org/in/en/wisdom/article/family-problems-conflict-turning-filth-into-fragrance

  • shahid jamal tubrazy says:

    scientists do bot disbelieve God. he is in process to believe.

  • Snehal Jaipurkar says:

    The voice is not clear… Nothing is audible clearly… At least you should have added subtitles….

  • Mobius Loop says:

    "Don't attach particular importance to people you are genetically connected with. You have no choice. It's happened, it's an event." Love this

  • Peter Ondrejka says:

    We should not give particular importance to people they we are genetically connected with? Ehm… I call them family members… I think that mother – child relationship is the strongest by people and all animals that are socially developed. I saw video with newborn child which mother died by the birth of this child. That child was crying incessant. Nobody could calm down the child until a man who become the heart of its mother transplanted took it in her arms and the child stopped crying immediately. I think the "genetical connection" is important…

  • Priyanka Pathak says:

    It's not clear….it'd have been good had someone written what Sadhguru spoke

  • Chad Three Suns says:

    Anyone have transcript ?

  • Barbara Chapman says:

    Bad recording please rework – i really need this

  • Tori Kai says:

    I’m currently stuck living with my toxic negative family that puts me down, lies about me, backbites me and brings me anxiety every single day but in Sha Allah it will get better

  • Nun Ya says:

    Echo😞

  • Sonicz Forever says:

    Mine is toxic but Ud say keep some contact. Mine are ok but one gives me no space when I need it. This post is disturbing so if sensitive about health dont read this. I am anorexic and forced into parties and to listen to weight comments. I starve most days of the week as my metabolism slowed from the stress and because I was rushed into every meal.I have to be humiliated at a party and this has made me sick. I had a schedule and my mum made sure I couldn't follow it. I am angry with her. She talks about fires and people getting sick and the next time I will be telling her tp have more discretion or even to shut up she was talking like that in front of a child that had the same problems. I had to take the little guy out of the room. I was so sorry for him. Part of me wishes shed get sick and then she wouldn't talk like that I feel guilty as I want to be close to her but that is messed up. . The party is unfair as my brother died in that house and I am retraumatised every time I go up there. I got quite ill after the last party. Passed out from starving myself. It worse with stress I gain weight for no reason so I starve it off. I care about my family but I dont want to go there ever again I have a family that cross my boundaries and make my anorexia a joke. I am also very ill from undiagnosed condition and I just think this is unsustainable. The meds that treat the sickness are off the market more days I am not allowed to eat. Meanwhile she makes fun of it. I think awful things I know I shouldnt and she's not well but I feel so angry. I HOPE God intervenes and this is all resolved. She cares yes but she's depressing and all her advice is bad.

  • Daniel Christopherson says:

    Thanks Evita! I've produced a video about using toxic family for
    spiritual growth. Take Care
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2ocVPI7mwU&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1Uk3iPc92knMm3-ZQyGm8OYMBXPND9lgrCyU_0IJaT82zLFqKYQl-Iuwo

  • Disha Luch says:

    My mother gives her maternal family more importance like her brother and nephews and sister. She fights with me and my father and don't speak to us for a month. She behaves like a stranger to me. She never does something for me. She neglects and abuses me for her family.

  • Chris Abby says:

    I want to be like adiyogi

  • Bheena Choytooa says:

    Can you do the sound again please, we can't understand anything. The eco behind makes hard to follow.

  • Ramesh Kanodia says:

    Pranam Guruji..
    I deeply admire your values and teachings.
    Sir i have question.. should we fight for our rights with our family..?

  • Kat is Typing. says:

    Unfortunately I’m under the age of 18 and can’t really do anything but wait

  • Shraboni Roy says:

    I'm in a toxic relationship with my mother after my dad's death.I take care of her but she hates me like hell.Complains to outsiders about my negative points.

  • shivani balram says:

    https://www.nirogdarpan.in/sex-relationship/parents-interference-in-married-life/

  • amber chhetri says:

    Sir i respect you…..you are my true guru

  • amber chhetri says:

    Sir if you haven,t been there in my life i would have committed suicide….thanks a lot sir for saving me and clearly showing me path…..

  • everpurple says:

    An eye-opener.

  • Watulukinahuh says:

    Ahhhhhh!!! Is it just me? Or the CC isnt aligned with the video😞😭Maybe my connection

  • gowtham k says:

    Those who bother about not hearing a single word clearly. here is the total script

    http://www.evolvingbeings.com/post/how-to-free-yourself-from-toxic-family-cycles

  • shruthshri says:

    Voice quality is so bad

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